Thoughtfulness

I was just watching this movie on lifetime called "Prayers for Bobby" and it is about this mother who finds out that her son is gay and she sends him to a Doctor to get him ''cured'' and that doesn't work so he goes to stay with his cousin for a while and he meets this guy named David and ends up caring about him and then he goes back home and tells his mother about him meeting David and she throws him out. he goes back to his cousin's i port angels and sees David coming out of this gay bar with this guy and he just breaks down and JUMPS OFF A BRIDGE because he is that MISERABLE!
When i think about all the kids that go through that because their parents can't except who they are it make me SO mad. i mean if parent's would just learn to except their children how they are then maybe our life's wouldn't be as stressful. i mean i have no experience with my parents not excepting me bacuse i am straight but...idk? if i had a son or a daughter who turned out to be like that i would still love them i wouldn't try to "cure" them of it because it isn't a diesease. it is not soemthing you can just get rid of. you have to learn to except and move on because it is not something they ask for or want, it's just how GOD has them turn out
if you think about all the kids who have to go through that and in the end commit suicide, most of the time it is because the people who the love the most are not excepting who they are and are being ignorant about and try to fix it. They think that if they pray god will fix it but he doesn't because there if nothing to fis.
think about the people in your life and except them for who they are and don't try and change them becasue guess what? YOU CAN'T!

GOODBYE

You could spend your whole high school years thinking that you can't wait till you are on your own and that you are completely ready to face the world and there is nothing to worry about...but...did you know that all those thought go down the drain when you get to your senior year of high school and you realize that holy shit you are gunna be on you own after this and is scares the shit out of you and you wish that you could go back to middle school and just do it all over again, not because you want to but because you are not really all that ready to face the world and be able to handle it...well at least i do sometimes...it doesn't mean

That you are a baby if you admit it, it just makes you human.

i have been thinking about my senior year(next year) and i wish that it wouldn't go by soo fast because then i might have more time with my senior friends who are graduating this year...and...i will be lying on my bed at like 3 im the morning think about all these things and it will hit me that my best friend is not gunna be there next year beside me and to help me through the hardest times during the day like i do for her. i hate it that she will not be there and that i won't see her for a long time. have you ever heard people say that how they will always keep in touch with one another. guess what? they DON'T. no one really is the same when they leave something like their childhood friends behind and you all know that.

I hate saying goodbye to the people that i love the most like family and my best and bester friends. i just do want to have to go through that kind of separation pain and it scares me to think that i might not ever see them again after this.

but what scares me the most is thinking that not only will i never see them again but what about if something happens to them and i have no way of knowing? have you ever thought about stuff like that.

.....IF NOT....

.....Maybe you should.....

BLAHH BLAHH BLAHHH

THAT IS WHAT GOES THROUGH MY MIND WHEN I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLASS LISTENING TO A TEACHER GO ON ABOUT SOMETHING THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT.

LIKE IN MATH MY TEACHER MR. MYERS WAS STANDING AT THE FRONT OF THE CLASS GOING ON ABOUT THE SAME THING FOR A FULL TEN OR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND THE WHOLE TIME I AM THINKING WHO CARES...I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO FORGET IT BY TOMORROW ANYWAY.

The only class that is really pay attention in is tied between US History or French class. i have always wanted to be able to speak french. you know how everyone says that learning a language is really hard and it can get boring. Well one out

THE CEMETERY

  THERE IS A CEMETERY IN MY DREAMS

...I SEE MY OWN GRAVE , ON A BLUE CLOUDLESS SKY, THE KIND WHERE THE SUN IS ANGRY AND IS BEATING DOWN ON YOU. PEOPLE PASS BY THAT GRAVE. THEY SPEAK AND TURN AND WILT UNDER THE HEAT, UNDER THE HORIZON, AND THE WHISPER OF DEATH EVERY WHERE. 

I CAN SEE THE FEAR CHURNING IN THEIR HEARTS, AS THEY BUILD FENCES AROUND THEM SELVES AND WHO THEY LOVE. ONLY CERTAIN THINGS MAKE IT THROUGH.

  I WRITE AND I HOPE ---HOPE TO STAY IN THIS VISION LONG ENOUGH TO SEE A SHADOW EMERGE OVER MY GRAVE...NO FLOWERS...NO SPOKEN WORDS...ONLY A PERSON...REMEMBERING.

SCHOOL,THE GUY NAMED JACOB

IF I COULD PICK ANY TIME OF THE DAY I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP INSTEAD OF NIGHT IT WOULD PROBABLY BE DURING SCHOOL. IT IS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME. YOU SPEND HOURS LOCKED IN A CLASSROOM WITH A TEACHER THAT HAS BAG BREATH AND TEACHES YOU THINGS LIKE CHEMISTRY. I CAN UNDERSTAND MATH BUT I REALLY DON'T CARE HOW MANY SIG FIGS (FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CARE OR JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS IT IS SIGNIFICANT FIGURES) ARE IN THE NUMBER 7.9087600. IDC! AND WHAT REALLY GETS ME IS SOMETIMES THE MATH TEACHERS TEACH YOU THAT SAME THING AS THEY DID LAST YEAR EVEN IF YOU ARE IN A HIGHER MATH CLASS.

ANOTHER THING THAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT SCHOOL IS HOW EVERYONE TRIES SO HARD TO IMPRESS THEIR FELLOW STUDENTS BUY WERE THESE "IN STYLE" CLOTHES. WHEN SOMETIMES THE SHOES THAT THEY WERE ARE SO UGLY. LIKE THIS ONE GIRLS THEY ARE LIKE THIS BABY BLUE AND GOLD AND YELLOW LOOKING AT THEM MAKES ME WANT TO HURL.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. I JUST BOUGHT THIS SHIRT THAT SAYS TEAM JACOB ON THE FRONT AND THEN TWILIGHT (IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW IT IS FROM THE BOOK TWILIGHT BY STEPHENIE MEYER) ON THE BACK. SO I WALKED INTO THE CAFETERIA AND WAS WAITING IN LINE FOR A TRAY(EVEN THOUGH I DON'T REALLY EAT THAT MUCH OF IT) AND THIS GUY NAMED JACOB WAS SITTING AT A TABLE BY THE LINE AND HIS FRIEND POINTED OUT TO HIM THAT MY SHIRT SAID TEAM JACOB ON IT AND I NOTICED AND I WAS TYRING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH AND I COULD TELL HE WAS KINDA FREAKED ABOUT IT AND MOST LIKELY A LITTLE EMBARRASSED TO BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS WERE MOST LIKELY TEASING HIM ABOUT IT. I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND ALICIA ABOUT IT AND WE WERE LAUGHING SO HARD IN THE HALLWAY THAT I THOUGH WE WOULD START CRYING . I ALMOST DID.

JUST SO YOU KNOW AND IF YOU EVER MEET ME IN PERSON. EVERYONE IS JUST ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS AND THEY ALL THINK I AM GOTHIC. I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF THAT...IT IS JUST A STYLE AND MY WAY OF EXPRESSING MYSELF.